This site just reminds me of so much. Things I’d like to remember fondly and to forget frustratingly.

And so, this should be goodbye (for this, blog, at least.).

I’ll be setting up a new one for sure.

You’ll hear about it most definitely.

So a whole lot has changed… again. This year and the latter part of last year can be summed up with one word–change. And oh, also, second chances. Now, while I truly believe that I’ve grown to be pretty flexible and open to new things, I just realized that I am also getting better at screwing things around. But in my defense, there are simply some times that some things are beyond my control.

I don’t feel hurt anymore. Or maybe just a little. More of disappointed, I think. And although I hate having things this way–cryptic–I made a promise. And I intend to keep it that way.

Nah, I guess I’m still not in the mood to write anything relevant.

Sighs!

You have limited my access. Might as well remove me.

-Tyler (Robert Pattinson), Remember Me

Until I saw my journal.

“What do you want most in life?

“What I want most is just a tricycle ride away…”

Tangnang pakingsyet na bwakana-bitch naman oh! Back to square one. Nag-effort pa akong mag-appear na okay.

Tonight, I’ll cry just like the first night.

I’ve always stood by the words “heartbreak is beautiful,” because it’s invisible and crushing, tangible and intangible all at once. It changes people, either for the better or for the worse, but it changes them… And that’s the point. As the cliche goes, “Change is constant.” We make mistakes, screw up, scrape our knees, then we learn and then we change. Like skin over a scab, scars over skin.

I’m done looking for things, done trying to feel things, and now I’m getting used to feeling nothing at all. But you know what, it’s not scary anymore. It just is. It’s life and you live and learn, fall and pick yourself up, and, yes, it’s lonely. It’s so fucking lonely! But you have to trash what isn’t magic and wait for the world to start spinning again.

And when the right thing happens, you won’t feel sick or nervous or shaky. You’ll feel okay. And even though the world is spinning at a million miles a second, you’ll feel steady, calm, and for once, you won’t feel quite so small.

Change is the only constant and heartbreak is beautiful. And I know I’ll look back on those days years from now and smile… Because everything I’ve experienced is just one big beautiful scar. One enduring war story, and I’ll be my own hero.

And maybe one day, I’ll fall in love again.

Rest day na!!!

Excuse me for sounding like a retarded schizo but I’m just too freaking sleepy. I know, I know! I’ve been ranting about this for a good number of days already. But heck!

I was meaning to skip work today but decided otherwise. All the gang did not come in today though so that means that I have to endure one whole shift all by my lonesome. Screw Tony for the late advice.

I could use some free time to fix the new crib which at the moment is still in great shambles. “Parang refugee facility,” one friend noted. (Di naman kaya. Para lang siyang bodega.)

I’m dying to get coffee again. Only had one serving for today and my body’s craving for its fix…

Aaaaarggghhh!!!

Plans were just that–plans.

I have always prided myself for my spontaneity but maybe, at the time, it was true, I was a bit too much of a pleaser. I wanted everything perfect. Something less just would not do.

So now, I’ll stop planning. At least for things that matter less. Like which route to take on my way home. Which coffee to order. The brand of mineral water to buy from Ministop. Then maybe, the bigger things will just simply fall into place. Like everything was destined to be.

My long-term goals stand still. The journey to get there would now be an adventure, though.

No maps required.

And yes, for later, maybe I’ll get a Single Soy Hazelnut Latte instead of the usual Hazelnut Frappe. Tiny steps.